I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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