Four minutes until I can fart!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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