he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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