just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
