i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize