And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
