the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I touched a dick in church today
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
