I hate your face
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
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