so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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