eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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