If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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