After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
