He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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