wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
