I wish you could order shots online.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize