his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
