The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
