So drunk its hurt
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
