READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
