she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
