they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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