what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Someone came in the potted fern
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
