Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Come see our sink grown plant.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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