I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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