They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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