Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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