hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
