I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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