I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
