I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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