he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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