Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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