So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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