you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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