it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
