So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize