Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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