My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
