He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
