Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
