gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
