a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
