I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
