I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
