Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
