ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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