and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
