I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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