Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
