I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
