ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize