I accidentally had phone sex last night
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
