Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
