Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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