He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
