i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
