About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
