This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
