if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize