We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
