It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
