How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
