I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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