I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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