I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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