even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
