my mouth tastes like poor choices
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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