haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
