she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
