so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
