dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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