So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
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