New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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