wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
