Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
