Don't you send me to vm
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
