i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
