my mouth tastes like poor choices
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
