My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
