he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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