i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Randomize
