I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Drunk is not a location!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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