a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
