The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
