Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
