Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
