I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize