Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
