I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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