so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
