My Higher Power is John Stamos
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
